I offered him and pickle and he took my heart.

With graduation party invitations coming in the mail, I realized today that I met Brad 15 years ago this month. I was 16 and just wrapped my sophomore year in high school and was attending my friend Crstyal's graduation party. I guess her parents were out of town because there was a lot of underage drinking going on and being the flirty party girl that I am, I had crossed the line with some boy named Brian and my boyfriend at that time, Matt, had threatened him. So Brian called his big brother Bobby to protect him. Bobby showed up with his 21 year old friend Brad "to keep an eye on things".

Even though we had never met, I knew who he was. We grew up in a REALLY small town in Ohio and I had watched him play football when he was in high school and I was in middle school. In fact, when I was in 8th grade my girlfriend and I had cut out pictures of cute boys from her older brother's year book and I carried his picture around in my wallet for a year. Some stupid boy I had never met and never planned on meeting and there he was looking all hot and manly in person. So I offered him a pickle. He declined the pickle but a week later I broke up with my boyfriend because I heard he might call me. He finally did and here we are, 15 years later and I still love me some pickles.... oh and Brad. I love Brad too.
 
This is exactly for reelz the outfit I was wearing...

Pickles

Guido Exhibit B

One hot summer night me and my Boo were walking to a bar to meet some friends. Boo had temporarily removed whatever form of plaid-cowboy-shirt-with-mother-of-pearl-snaps he was wearing that night to reveal his wife beater. Obviously, not proper attire for church but for walking around Wrigley Field, not exactly inappropriate either. A block later, three hideous orange-skinned, stripped-shirt-wearing Guidos passed us and the lead Muscle Milk™ drinker exclaimed "Nice shirt dude" and they all laughed in unison. Some deep seeded momma bear shit in me snapped and I turned on my heels and stood in the middle of the sidewalk stuttering and hissing for about 30 seconds until I finally screamed "NICE COCK-FACE ASS HAT!!!!!"

Not exactly my finest moment in my professional career as a potty-mouth, but I suspect something in the pattern of the striped shirts causes confusion and disorientation in the attacker. 

Guidob